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PITTSBURGH, PA—Local man Peter Willis, who exclusively purchases and wears $13 Velcro-fastened shoes from his local Walmart, recently threatened to boycott Nike over its recent ad campaign featuring Colin Kaepernick.

Willis threatened Nike with a boycott, though he never buys Nike products in the first place.

“I won’t be buying any Nike footwear ever again,” said the man who buys the same pair of $13 Velcro walking shoes from Walmart each and every year. “And if I ever do, by chance, I’ll rip it up and burn it immediately. I’m not joking—I’ll do it! This isn’t in any way an empty threat, Nike!”

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At publishing time, Willis was seen browsing at his local thrift store for used Nike gear he could pick up just to burn on social media.

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