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PITTSBURGH, PA—Local man Peter Willis, who exclusively purchases and wears $13 Velcro-fastened shoes from his local Walmart, recently threatened to boycott Nike over its recent ad campaign featuring Colin Kaepernick.

Willis threatened Nike with a boycott, though he never buys Nike products in the first place.

“I won’t be buying any Nike footwear ever again,” said the man who buys the same pair of $13 Velcro walking shoes from Walmart each and every year. “And if I ever do, by chance, I’ll rip it up and burn it immediately. I’m not joking—I’ll do it! This isn’t in any way an empty threat, Nike!”

Red Eton Eton Buy Tie Buy Buy Tie Eton Red Nike was reportedly “very concerned” by the boycott threat from a man who has never once been interested in purchasing Nike products in his life, and reached out to see if they could win back his business they never had in the first place.

At publishing time, Willis was seen browsing at his local thrift store for used Nike gear he could pick up just to burn on social media.

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